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Sep 10, 2020, 02:48 AM 164 read

Entire Shrek script

  {Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.   But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only   be broken by love's first kiss.   She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing   dragon.   Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,   but non prevailed.   She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest   tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.   {Laughing}   Like that's ever gonna happen.   {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}   What a load of -       Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me   I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed   She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb   In the shape of an "L" on her forehead   The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'   Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'   Didn't make sense not to live for fun   Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb   So much to do so much to see   So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets   You'll never know if you don't go   You'll never shine if you don't glow   Hey, now You're an all-star   Get your game on, go play   Hey, now You're a rock star   Get the show on, get paid   And all that glitters is gold   Only shootin' stars break the mold   It's a cool place and they say it gets colder   You're bundled up now but wait till you get older   But the meteor men beg to differ   Judging by the hole in the satellite picture   The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin   The water's getting warm so you might as well swim   My world's on fire   How 'bout yours   That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored   Hey, now, you're an all-star   {Shouting}   Get your game on, go play   Hey, now You're a rock star   Get the show on, get paid   And all that glitters is gold   Only shootin' stars break the mold   {Belches}   Go!   Go!   {Record Scratching}   Go. Go.Go.   Hey, now, you're an all-star   Get your game on, go play   Hey, now You're a rock star   Get the show on, get paid   And all that glitters is gold   Only shootin' stars break the mold       -Think it's in there?   -All right. Let's get it!   -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?   -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.   {Laughs}   -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.   Now, ogres - - They're much worse.   They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.   -No!   -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!   Actually, it's quite good on toast.   -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!   {Gasping}   -Right.   {Roaring}   {Shouting}   {Roaring}   {Whispers} This is the part where you run away.   {Gasping}   {Laughs}   {Laughing} And stay out!   "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."   {Sighs}   {Man's voice} All right. This one's full.   -Take it away!   {Gasps}   -Move it along. Come on! Get up!   -Next!   -Give me that! Your fiying days are over.   That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!   -Get up! Come on!   -Twenty pieces.   {Thudding}   -Sit down there!   -Keep quiet!   {Crying}   -This cage is too small.   -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.   I can change. Please! Give me another chance!   -Oh, shut up.   -Oh!   -Next!   -What have you got?   -This little wooden puppet.   -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.   -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.   -Father, please! Don't let them do this!   -Help me!   -Next! What have you got?   -Well, I've got a talking donkey.   {Grunts}   -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.   -Oh, go ahead, little fella.   -Well?   -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.   He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -   -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!   -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.   I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.   -Get her out of my sight.   -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!   {Gasps}   -Hey! I can fly!   -He can fly!   -He can fly!   -He can talk!   -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.   You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly   but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!   Oh-oh.   {Grunts}   -Seize him!   -After him! He's getting away!   {Grunts, Gasps}   {Man}   -Get him! This way! Turn!   -You there. Orge!   -Aye?   -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under   arrest   and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.   -Oh, really? You and what army?   {Gasps, Whimpering}   {Chuckles}   -Can I say something to you?   -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.   Incredible!   Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!   -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great   back here? Those guards!   They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They   was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made   me feel good to see that.   -Oh, that's great. Really.   -Man, it's good to be free.   -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?   Hmm?   -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by   myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.   You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit   out of anybody that crosses us.   {Roaring}   -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that   don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you   definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!   You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -   {Mumbling}   Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my   butt that day.   -Why are you following me?   -I'll tell you why.       'Cause I'm all alone   There's no one here beside me   My promlems have all gone   There's no one to deride me   But you gotta heve friends - -       -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.   -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.   -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?   -Uh - - Really tall?   -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't   that bother you?   -Nope.   -Really?   -Really, really.   -Oh.   -Man, I like you. What's you name?   -Uh, Shrek.   -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?   You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.   I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.   Who'd want to live in place like that?   -That would be my home.   -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a   decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I   like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.   -I guess you don't entertain much, do you?   -I like my privacy.   -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I   hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them   a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.   -Can I stay with you?   -Uh, what?   -Can I stay with you, please?   -Of course!   -Really?   -No.   -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to   be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta   stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!   -Okay! Okay! But one night only.   -Ah! Thank you!   -What are you - - No! No!   -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,   and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.   -Oh!   -Where do, uh, I sleep?   -Outside!   -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you   don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.   {Sniffles}   -Here I go.   -Good night.   {Sighs}   -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.   I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,   outside.       I'm all alone   There's no one here beside me   {Bubbling}   {Sighs}   {Creaking}   {Sighs}   -I thought I told you to stay outside.   -I'm outside.   {Clattering}   -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we   have?   -It's not home, but it'll do just fune.   -What a lovely bed.   -Got ya.   {Sniffs} I found some cheese.   -Ow! {Grunts}   -Blah! Awful stuff.   -Is that you, Gorder?   -How did you know?   -Enough! What are you doing in my house?   {Grunts}   -Hey!   {Snickers}   -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.   -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.   -Huh?   {Gusps}   {Male voice} What?   -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I   have to do get a little privacy?   -Aah!   -Oh, no. No! No!   {Cackling}   -What?   -Quit it.   -Don't push.   {Squeaking}   {Lows}   - What are you doing in my swamp?   {Echoing}   Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!   {Gasping}   -Oh, dear!   -Whoa!   -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!   Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!   -Quickly. Come on!   -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.   -Oh!   {Sighs}   -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.   -Oh, gosh, no one invited us.   -What?   -We were forced to come here.   -By who?   -Lord Farquaad.   -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.   {Sighs}   -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?   {Murmuring}   -Oh, I do. I know where he is.   -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?   -Me! Me!   -Anyone?   -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!   {Sighs}   -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.   Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy   Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came   from!   {Cheering}   {Twittering}   -Oh! You! You're comin' with me.   - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two   stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!   -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.   -Hey. Oh, oh!   -I can't wait to get on the road again.   -What did I say about singing?   -Can I whistle?   -No.   -Can I hum it?   -All right, hum it.   {Humming}       {Grunts}   {Whimpering}   -That's enough. He's ready to talk.   {Coughing}   {Laughing}   {Clears throat}   -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the   gingerbread man!   -You are a monster.   -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy   tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the   others?   -Eat me!{Grunts}   -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached   its end! Tell me or I'll - -   -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.   -All right then. Who's hiding them?   -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?   -The muffin man?   -The muffin man.   -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?   -Well, she's married to the muffin man.   -The muffin man?   -The muffin man!   -She's married to the muffin man.   {Door opens}   -My lord! We found it.   -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.   {Man grunting}   {Gasping}   -Oh!   -Magic mirror - -   -Don't tell him anything!   -No!   {Ginerbread man whispers}   -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect   kingdom of them all?   -Well, technically you're not a king.   -Uh, Thelonius.   -You were saying?   -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All   you have to do is marry a princess.   -Go on.   {Chuckles}   -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to   meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette   number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.   She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking   and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.   -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of   fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just   kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come   on. Give it up for Snow White!   -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a   fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling   lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes   pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,   Princess Fiona!   -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or   bachelorette number three?   -Two! Two!   -Three! Three!   -Two! Two!   -Three!   -Three? One?   {Shudders} Three?   --Three! Pick number three, my lord!   -Okay, okay, uh, number three!   -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.       If you like pina coladas   And getting caught in the rain       -Princess Fiona.       If you're not into yoga       -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -   -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.   -I'll do it.   -Yes, but after sunset - -   -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will   finally have the perfect king!   Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.       -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd   find it.   -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.   -Uh-huh. That's the place.   -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?   {Laughs}   {Groans}   -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.   -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.   -Hey, you!   {Screams}   -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -   {Whimpering}   {Sighs}   {Whimpering, Groans}   {Turnstile clatters}   {Chuckles}   {Sighs}   -It's quiet. Too quiet.   {Creaking}   -Where is everybody?   -Hey, look at this!   {Clattering, whirring, clicking}   Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town   Here we have some rules   Let us lay them down   Don't make waves, stay in line   And we'll get along fine   DuLoc is perfect place   Please keep off of the grass   Shine your shoes, wipe your... face   DuLoc is, DuLoc is   DuLoc is perfect ...... place   {Camera shutter clicks   {Whirring}   -Wow! Let's do that again!   -No. No. No, no, no! No.   {Trumpet fanfare}   {Crowd cheering}   -Brave knights.   -You are the best and brightest in all the land.   -Today one of you shall prove himself - -   -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.   -Sorry about that.   {Cheering}   -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go   forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the   dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first   runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae   die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.   {Cheering}   -Let the tournament begin!   {Gasps}   -Oh!   -What is that?   {Gasping}   -It's hideous!   -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.   -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named   champion! Have it him!   -Get him!   -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.   -Go ahead! Get him!   -Can't we just settle this over a pint?   -Kill the beast!   -No? All right then. Come on!       I don't give a damn about my reputation   You're living in the past   It's a new generation       -Damn!   {Whinnying}       A girl can do what she wants to do   And that's what I'm gonna do   And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation   Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me   Me, me, me       -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!       And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation   Never said I wanted to improve my station       -Ah!   {Laughs}       And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun       -Yeah!       And I don't have to please no one       -The chair! Give him the chair!       And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation   Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me   Me, me, me   Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me   {Bell dings}   {Cheering}   {Laughs}   -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till   Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!   {Shrek laughs}   {Crowd gasping, murmuring}   -Shall I give the order, sir?   -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!   -What?   -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great   and noble quest.   -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.   -Your swamp?   -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!   {Crowd murmuring}   -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for   me, and I'll give you your swamp back.   -Exactly the way it was?   -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.   -And the squatters?   -As good as gone.   -What kind of quest?   -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a   princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only   don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.   -Is that about right?   -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.   -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on   him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make   your bread, the whole orge trip.   -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and   put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and   drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?   -Uh, no, not really, no.   -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.   -Example?   -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.   -{Sniffs} They stink?   -Yes - - No!   -They make you cry?   -No!   -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little   white hairs.   -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have   layers. You get it? We both have layers.   {Sighs}   -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes   onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.   -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.   -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a   person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like   no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.   -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like   onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.   -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.   -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or   something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start   slobbering.       I'm on my way from misery to happiness today   Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh   I'm on my way from misery to happiness today   Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh   And everything that you receive up yonder   Is what you give to me the day I wander   I'm on my way   I'm on my way   I'm on my way       -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?   -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was   open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's   brimstone We must be getting close.   -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I   know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone   neither.   {Rumbling}   -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.   {Laughing}   -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?   -Oh, aye.   -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have   layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.   -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.   -You know what I mean.   -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.   -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over   a boiling like of lava!   -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional   support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step   at a time.   -Really?   -Really, really.   -Okay, that makes me feel so much better.   -Just keep moving. And don't look down.   -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on   moving. Don't look down.   {Gasps}   -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,   please!   -But you're already halfway.   -But I know that half is safe!   -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.   -Shrek, no! Wait!   -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?   -Don't do that!   -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?   -Oh, this?   -Yes, that!   -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.   {Screams}   -No, Shrek! No! Stop it!   -You said do it! I'm doin' it.   -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!   -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.   -Cool.   -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?   -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.   {Chuckles}   -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.   {Water dripping, wind howling}   -You afraid?   -No.   -But - -   - Shh.   -Oh, good. Me neither.   {Gasps}   -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible   response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I   might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and   breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little   scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.   {Gasps}   -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if   you can find any stairs.   -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.   -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest   tower.   -What makes you think she'll be there?   -I read it in a book once.   -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those   stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way   they're goin'.   {Creacing}   -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with   me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a   step right here. I'd step all over it.   -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -   -Dragon!   {Screams}   {Gasps}   {Roars}   -Donkey, look out!   {Screams}   {Whimpering}   -Got ya!   {Roars}   {Gasps}   {Shouts}   -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!   {Screaming}   {Gasps}   -Oh! Aah! Aah!   {Gasping}   {Crowls}   -No. Oh, no, No!   {Screams}   -Oh, what large teeth you have.   {Crowls}   -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time   from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile   you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know   what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of   course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.   What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.   Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -   (Coughs)   -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna   blow smoke rings. Shrek!   {Gasps}   {Whimpering}   -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!   {Groans, Sighs}   {Vocalizing}   -Oh! Oh!   -Wake up!   -What?   -Are you Princess Fiona?   -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.   -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!   -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be   a wonderful, romantic moment?   -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.   -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out   yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.   -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?   -Mm-hmm.   {Screams, grunts}   -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for   me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!   -I don't think so.   -Can I at least know the name of my champion?   -Um, Shrek.   -Sir Shrek.   {Cleans throat}   -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.   -Thanks!   {Roaring}   -You didn't slay the dragon?   -It's on my to-do list. Now come on!   {Screams}   -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,   banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.   -Yeah, right before they burst into flame.   -That's not the point. Oh!   -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.   -Well, I have to save my ass.   -What kind of knight are you?   -One of a kind.   -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to   know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.   {Laughs}   -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not   emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really   is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted   physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back   up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to   know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,   but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - -   Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna   tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with   that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!   {Growls}   {Roaring}   {Gasps}   -Hi, Princess!   -It talks!   -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.   {Screams}   {Screaming}   -Oh!   {Thuds}   {Groans}   {Roars}   {Roaring}   -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.   {Fchoing}   -Run!   {Gasping}   {Screaming}   {Roaring}   {Screams}   {Roars}   {Panting, sighs}   {Whimpers}   {Roars}   -You did it!   -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.   You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and   thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.   {Clears throat}   -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?   -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a   steed.   -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.   -Uh, no.   -Why not?   -I have helmet hair.   -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.   -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.   -But how will you kiss me?   -What? That wasn't in the job description.   -Maybe it's a perk.   -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in   a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then   they share true love's first kiss.   -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you   true love?   -Well, yes.   {Laughing}   -You think Shrek is your true love!   -What is so funny?   -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?   -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your   helmet.   -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.   -Just take off the helmet.   -I'm not going to.   -Take ot off.   -No!   -Now!   -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.   -You- - You're a- - an orge.   -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.   -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed   to be an orge.   {Sighs}   -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the   one who wants to marry you.   -Then why didn't he come rescue me?   -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.   -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -   his pet.   -So much for noble steed.   -You're not making my job any easier.   -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad   that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right   here.   -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.   -You wouldn't dare. Put me down!   -Ya comin', Donkey?   -I'm right behind ya.   -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not   dignified! Put me down!   -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,   right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down   real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a   crisp and eaten?   -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what   happens when you find your - - Hey!   {Sighs}   -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.   -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!   -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?   -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in   short supply.   {Laughs}   -I don't know. There are those who think little of him.   -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never   measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.   -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the   "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.   -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?   -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.   -But there's robbers in the woods.   -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.   -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this   forest.   -I need to find somewhere to camp now!   {Birds wings fluttering}   {Grunting}   -Hey! Over here.   -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a   princess.   -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.   -Homey touches? Like what?   {Crashing}   -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.   -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.   -I said good night!   -Shrek, What are you doing?   {Laughs}   -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.   {Fire cracking}   -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over   three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.   -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?   -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,   there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.   -I know you're making this up.   -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away   from his stench.   -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.   -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?   Forget it.   {Sighs}   -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?   -Our swamp?   -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.   -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my   swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my   land.   -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what   I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody   out.   -No, do ya think?   -Are you hidin' something?   -Never mind, Donkey.   -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?   -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.   -Why don't you want to talk about it?   -Why do you want to talk about it?   -Why are you blocking?   -I'm not blocking.   -Oh, yes, you are.   -Donkey, I'm warning you.   -Who you trying to keep out?   -Everyone! Okay?   -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.   -Oh! For the love of Pete!   -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?   -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that   seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.   "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they   even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.   -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,   stupid, ugly orge.   -Yeah, I know.   -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?   -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.   -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one   there?   -That's the moon.   -Oh, okay.       {Orchestra}   {Dulcimer}   -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the   princess.   -Hmph.   -Ah. Perfect.   {Inhales}       {Snoring}   {Vocalizing}   {Whistling}   {Sizzling}   {Sniffs, yawns}   -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.   --Come on, baby. I said I like it.   -Donkey, wake up.   -Huh? What?   -Wake up.   -What?   -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?   -Good morning, Princess!   -What's all this about?   -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to   make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.   -Uh, thanks.   {Sniffs}   -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.   {Belches}   -Shrek!   -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}   -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.   {Belches}   -Thanks.   -She's as nasty as you are.   -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.   -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.   {Vocalizing}       -La liberte! Hey!   -Princess!   {Laughs}   -What are you doing?   -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from   this green - -   {Kissing sounds}   -beast.   -Hey!   -That's my princess! Go find you own!   -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?   -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!   -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry   Men.   {Laughs}       {Accordion}   Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.   I steal from the rich and give to the needy.   He takes a wee percentage,   But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels   Man, I'm good   What a guy, Monsieur Hood   Break it down   I like an honest fight   and a saucy little maid   What he's basically saying   is he likes to get - -   Paid   So   When an orge in the bush   grabs a lady by the tush   That's bad   That's bad   When a beauty's with a beast   it makes me awfully mad   He's mad   He's really, really mad   I'll take my blade and   ram it through your heart   Keep your eyes on me, boys   'cause I'm about to start       {Grunts, Groans}   {Karate Yell}   {Merry Men Gasping}   {Panting}   -Man, that was annoying!   -Oh, you little- -   {Karate Yell}   {Accordion}   {Shouting, groaning}   {Chuckles}   -Uh, shall we?   -Hold the phone.   {Grunts}   Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?   -What?   -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?   -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these   things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!   -What? Oh, would you look at that?   -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.   -Why? What's wrong?   -Shrek's hurt.   -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.   -Donkey, I'm okay.   -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep   you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the   Heimlich?   -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and   find me a blue flower with red thorns.   -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.   Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!   -{Both} Donkey!   -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.   -What are the flowers for?   -For getting rid of Donkey.   -Ah.   -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.   -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.   -I'm sorry, but it has to come out.   -No, it's tender.   -Now, hold on.   -What you're doing is the opposite of help.   -Don't move.   -Look, time out.   -Would you - -   {Grunts}   -Okay. What do you propose we do?   -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red   thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue   flower, red thorns.   -Ow!   -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!   -Ow! Not good.   -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.   {Grunts}   -It's just about - -   -Ow! Ohh!   -Ahem.   -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -   -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?   -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was   just- - Ugh!   -Ow!   -Hey, what's that?   {Nervous chickle}   -That's- - Is that blood?   {Sighs}   {Bird chirping}   {Grunts}       My beloved monster and me   We go everywhere together   Wearin' a raincoat   that has four sleeves   Gets us through all kinds of weather       -Aah!       She will always be the only thing   That comes between me and the awful sting   That comes from living in a world   that's so damn mean   {Croaks}   Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh   -Hey!   La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la   {Both laughing}   La-la, la-la, la-la       -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.   -That's DuLoc?   -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for   something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!   -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.   -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.   {Blubbering}   -What?   -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.   -What are you talking about? I'm fine.   -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on   your back. Dead.   -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?   -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.   -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and   when I turn my head like this, look,   {Bones crunch}   -Ow! See?   -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.   -I'll get the firewood.   -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any   toes! I think I need a hug.       -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?   -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.   -No kidding. Well, this is delicious.   -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I   make a mean weedrat stew.   {Chuckling}   {Sighs}   -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.   {Gulps}   -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind   of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.   {Chuckles}   -I'd like that.   {Slurps, laughs}       See the pyramids along the Nile       -Um, Princess?       Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle       -Yes, Shrek?   -I, um, I was wondering.       Just remember, darling all the while       -Are you- -       You belong to me       {Sighs}   -Are you gonna eat that?   {Chuckles}   -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.   -Sunset?   -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.   -What?   -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,   aren't you?   -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.   -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until   - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.   {Shrek sighs}   -Good night.   -Good night.   {Door creaks}   -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.   -Oh, what are you talkin' about?   -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.   And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.   -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.   -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in   and tell her how you feel.   -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,   well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a   princess, and I'm - -   -An orge?   -Yeah. An orge.   -Hey, where you goin'?   -To get... move firewood.   {Sighs}       -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?   {Wings fluttering}   -Princess?   {Creaking}   {Gasps}   -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.   {Screams}   -Aah!   -Oh, no!   -No, help!   -Shh!   -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!   -No, it's okay. It's okay.   -What did you do with the princess?   -Donkey, I'm the princess.   -Aah!   -It's me, in this body.   -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?   -Donkey!   -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!   -No!   -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!   -Shh.   -Shrek!   -This is me.   {Muffled mumbling}   -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.   -I'm ugly, okay?   -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats   was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -   -No.   -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.   -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.   -It's only happens when sun goes down.   "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you   find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."   -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.   -It's a spell.   {Sighs}   -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I   become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to   await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry   Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.   {Sobs}   -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not   that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look   like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.   -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant   to look.   -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?   -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.   -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you   got a lot in common.   -Shrek?       -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for   me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's   pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might   like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -   -   {Sighs}   -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.   -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I   mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?   "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here   with Shrek.   {Gasps}   -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.   {Deep sigh}   -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only   way to break the spell.   -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.   -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.   -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?   -Promise you won't tell. Promise!   -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know   before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.   -Look at my eye twitchin'.   {Door opens}   {Snoring}   -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.   -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -   {Snoring}   -Shrek. Are you all right?   -Perfect! Never been better.   -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.   -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last   night.   -You heard what I said?   -Every word.   -I thought you'd understand.   -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly   beast?"   -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.   -Yeah? Well, it does.   {Gasps, sighs}   -Ah, right on time.   {Horse whinnies}   -Princess, I've brought you a little something.   {Fanfare}   {Yawns}   -What'd I miss? What'd I miss?   {Muffled}   -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.   -Princess Fiona.   -As promised. Now hand it over.   -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.   -Take it and go before I change my mind.   -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I   have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.   -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.   {Snaps fingers}   -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.   -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the   orge. It's not like it has feelings.   -No, you're right. It doesn't.   -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in   marriage.   {Gasps}   -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?   -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -   -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!   -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun   sets.   -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's   so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest   list. Captain, round up some guests!   -Fare-thee-well, orge.   -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.   -Yeah? So what?   -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to   her last night, She's - -   -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?   Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?   -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.   -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!   My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,   pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!   -But I thought - -   -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!   -Shrek.       I heard there was a secret chord   That David played and it pleased the Lord   But you don't really care for music, do ya   It goes like this the fourth, the fifth   The minor fall the major lift   The baffled king composing hallelujah   Hallelujah, hallelujah   Baby, I've been here before   I know this room I've walked this floor   I used to live alone before I knew you   I've seen your flag on the marble arch   But love is not a victory march   It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah   Hallelujah, hallelujah   And all I ever learned from love   Is how to shoot at someone   Who outdrew you   {Moaning}   And it's not a cry you can hear at night   It's not somebody who's seen the light   It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah   {Moaning}   Hallelujah, hallelujah       {Thumping sound}   -Donkey?   {Grunts}   -What are you doing?   -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see   one.   -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not   through it.   -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.   -Oh! Your half. Hmm.   -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I   get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks   like your head.   -Back off!   -No, you back off.   -This is my swamp!   -Our swamp.   -Let go, Donkey!   -You let go.   -Stubborn jackass!   -Smelly orge.   -Fine!   -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.   -Well, I'm through with you.   -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess   what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are   mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!   You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.   -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?   -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!   -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in   the back!   -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your   own feelings.   -Go away!   -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she   ever do was like you, maybe even love you.   -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of   you talking.   -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody   else.   -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?   -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.   Right? Right?   -Donkey!   -No!   -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?   {Sighs}   -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you   forgive me?   -Hey, that's what friends are for, right?   -Right. Friends?   -Friends.   -So, um, what did Fiona say about me?   -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?   -The wedding! We'll never make it in time.   -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I   have a way.   {Whistles}   -Donkey?   -I guess it's just my animal magnetism.   {Laughing}   -Aw, come here, you.   -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.   All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install   the seat belts yet.   -Whoo!   {Bells tolling}   {All gasping}   -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....   -Um-   -of our new king - -   -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?   {Chuckling}   -Go on.   -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about   that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't   you?   -What are you talking about?   -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak   now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"   -I don't have time for this!   -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this   woman, don't you?   -Yes.   -You wanna hold her?   -Yes.   -Please her?   -Yes!   -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that   romantic crap!   -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?   -We gotta check it out.       -And so, by the power vested in me,   -What do you see?   -The whole town's in there.   -I now pronounce you husband and wife,   -They're at the altar.   -king and queen.   -Mother Fletcher! He already said it.   -Oh, for the love of Pete!   {Grunts}   -I object!   -Shrek?   {Gasps}   -Oh, now what does he want?   -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.   Very clean.   -What are you doing here?   -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but   showing up uninvited to a wedding - -   -Fiona! I need to talk to you.   -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll   excuse me - -   -But you can't marry him.   -And why not?   -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.   -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.   -He's not your true love.   -And what do you know about true love?   -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -   -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!   Oh, good Lord.   {Crowd laughting}   -An orge and a princess!   -Shrek, is this true?   -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away   from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!   -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.   {Whimpers}   {Crown gasping}   -Well, uh, that explains a lot.   -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of   my sight now! Get them! Get them both!   -No, no!   -Shrek!   -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that   makes me king! See? See?   -No, let go of me! Shrek!   -No!   -Don't just stand there, you morons.   -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!   -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and   quartered!   -You'll beg for death to save you!   -No, Shrek!   -And as for you, my wife,   -Fiona!   -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!   -I'm king!   {Whistles}   -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!   -Aah!   -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to   use it.   {Roars}   -I'm a donkey on the edge!   {Belches}   -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?   {Cheering}   -Go ahead, Shrek.   -Uh, Fiona?   -Yes, Shrek?   -I - - I love you.   -Really?   -Really, really.   - I love you too.   -Aawww!   -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true   form."   -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."   -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?   -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.   -But you ARE beautiful.   {Chuckles}   -I was hoping this would be a happy ending.       I thought love was only true in fairy tales   Oy!   Meant for someone else but not for me   Love was out to get me   That's the way it seemed   Disappointment haunted all my dreams   And then I saw her face   Now I'm a believer and not a trace   Of doubt in my mind   I'm in love   Ooh-aah   I'm a believer I couldn't leave her   If I tried       -God bless us, every one.       Come on, y'all!   Then I saw her face   Ha-ha   Now I'm a believer   Listen!   Not a trace   Of doubt in my mind   I'm in love   Ooh-aah   I'm a believer   I couldn't leave her if I tried   -Ooh!   -Uh!   Then I saw her face   Now I'm a believer   Hey!   Not a trace   Uhh! Yeah.   Of doubt in my mind       -One more time!   I'm in love   I'm a believer   Come on!   I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,   I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey   Y'all sing it with me!   I   Believe   I believe   People in the back!   I believe   I'm a believer   I believe   I believe   I believe   I believe   {Hysterical laughing}   -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.   -I can't breathe. I can't breathe.       I believe in self-assertion   Destiny or a slight diversion   Now it seems I've got my head on straight   I'm a freak an apparition   Seems I've made the right decision   To try to turn back now it might be too late       Now I want to stay home today   Don't wanna go out   If anyone comes to play   Gonna get thrown out   I wanna stay home today   Don't want no company   No way   Yeah, yeah, yeah       I wanna be a millionaire someday   But know what it feels like to give it away   Watch me march to the beat of my own drum   And it's off to the moon and then back again   Same old day Same situation   My happiness rears back as if to say       I wanna stay home today   Don't wanna go out   If anyone comes to play   Gonna get thrown out   I wanna stay home today   Don't want no company   No way   Yeah, yeah, yeah       I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........           I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes   My heart skips a beat   Girl, I feel so alive   Please tell me, baby, if all this is true   'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you   Oh-oh-oh   Makes me wanna dance   Oh-oh-oh   It's a new romance   Oh-oh-oh   I look into your eyes   Oh-oh-oh   The best years of our lives   When we first met   I could hardly believe   The things that would happen   and we could achieve   So let's be together   for all of our time   Oh, girl, I'm so thankful   that you are still mine   You always consider me   like an ugly duckling   And treat me like a Nostradamus   was why I had to get my shine on   I break a little something   to keep my mind on   'Cause you had my mind gone   Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh   Turn the lights on, Come on, baby   Let's just rewind the song   'Cause all I want to do is   make the rest years the best years   All night long       Oh-oh-oh   Makes me wanna dance   Makes me wanna dance   Oh-oh-oh   It's a new romance   It's a new romance   Oh-oh-oh   I look into your eyes   Oh, yeah, yeah   I look into your eyes   Oh-oh-oh   The best years of our lives   Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............           Everything looks bright   Standing in your light   Everything feels right   What's left is out of sight   What's a girl to do   I'm telling you   You're on my mind   I wanna be with you   'Cause when you're   standin' next to me   It's like wow   And all your kisses   seem to set me free   It's like wow   And when we touch   it's such a rush   I can't get enough   It's like- - It's like   Ooh-ooh   Hey, what   It's like wow   Ooh-ooh, hey   Hey, yeah   It's like wow   Everything is looking   right now, right now   It's like wow   And I got this feeling   This feeling   it's just like wow   It's just like wow   You are all I'm thinking of.   Like wow   Everything feels right   Everything feels right   Like wow   Everything looks bright   All my senses are right   Like wow   Everything feels right   Baby, baby, baby   the way I'm feeling you   Is like wow       There is something   that I see   In the way   you look at me   There's a smile   There's a truth   In your eyes   What an unexpected way   On this unexpected day   Could it be   This is where I belong   It is you I have loved   All long   There's no more mystery   It is finally clear to me   You're the home   my heart's searched for   So long   It is you I have loved   All long   Whoa, over and over   I'm filled with emotion   As I look   Into your perfect face

Comment 15

  • Cow Boy Billy LV.30 Billy Sep 10, 2020, 02:48 AM

    Best post on moot 100%

  • NO NAME verified Sep 10, 2020, 02:49 AM

    Yes

  • HAD3S DC LV.31 Legend Sep 10, 2020, 02:50 AM

    I scrolled through and stopped randomly and the first thing I read was: "Ogres are like onions, they have layers."

  • Just Nathan Founder Sep 10, 2020, 05:18 AM

    Oh God, it took me forever to scroll... There's definitely no character limit to post...

  • Anshokū光 LV.26 Be my Mootentine ❤️ Sep 10, 2020, 02:48 AM

    😬 Thats a lot

  • NO NAME verified Sep 10, 2020, 02:49 AM

    It's a three hour movie

  • plezaEnchilada999 LV.25 The Best Sep 10, 2020, 02:50 AM

    what

  • NO NAME verified Sep 10, 2020, 02:50 AM

    It's the entire Shrek script

  • plezaEnchilada999 LV.25 The Best Sep 10, 2020, 02:51 AM

    ik

  • plezaEnchilada999 LV.25 The Best Sep 10, 2020, 02:50 AM

    best post ever

  • HAD3S DC LV.31 Legend Sep 10, 2020, 03:11 AM

    I have an idea...
    memes

  • tempetedtobeat LV.17 JUST SEND IT Sep 10, 2020, 05:24 AM

    wtf bruh how long did this take

  • NO NAME verified Sep 12, 2020, 05:00 AM

    Not very long

  • Vinnik the slutter^^ LV.34 Dream Chaser Sep 12, 2020, 01:35 AM

    Fucking madlad

  • NO NAME verified Sep 12, 2020, 05:01 AM

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